Preparing for the Storm of Dating After a Long Break
A reader who has not dated in eight years is considering restarting their dating life. They want to love and care for someone, but are nervous about the process. An expert suggests that the reader's anxiety is normal and that they should focus on being themselves and not trying to 'fix' their anxiety before dating.
A long break from dating can be daunting, especially when considering the possibility of love and partnership. For one reader, the idea of restarting their dating life after eight years is a significant step. They want to find a supportive and funny life partner, but are nervous about the process. According to Hannah Jackson-McCamley, a UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) accredited psychotherapist, the reader's use of language is telling. Their description of dating as a "storm" and the "lightning strikes" suggests that they may associate relationships with being tumultuous and something to be prepared for or defended against. This could be a result of early experiences that have influenced their expectations of interpersonal relationships. It's essential to remember that the reader has abstained from dating for eight years, and that's okay. However, people they meet might not have the same perspective, and that's okay too. The reader's anxiety is normal, and it's not something they need to "permanently fix." Instead, they should focus on being themselves and exploring their experience of anxiety in relation to dating and beyond. Jackson-McCamley encourages the reader to give themselves grace for trying to make friends and confronting their nerves around new people. This is a significant step, and it's essential to acknowledge the reader's efforts. The reader should also not discount what they might bring to a relationship beyond traditional accoutrements of status, such as money and job title. Falling in love has risks, some real, some imagined. However, the reader's student life provides a great environment to meet people, both for friendship and romance. A more real-world and softer approach to dating, starting by making friends and seeing where it goes, might actually suit the reader better. Ultimately, the reader's journey back into dating will be unique to them. By focusing on being themselves, exploring their anxiety, and giving themselves grace, they can navigate the process with confidence and an open heart.
